Social Connection
At the very start of the pandemic, my very casual friend Sarah asked me and another casual acquaintance friend Julie if we would want to do a daily text of gratitude with one another. I knew these two only very minimally. So we started daily in April 2020 texting daily what we were grateful for during this stressful time of the pandemic. As weeks passed we never missed a daily gratitude text to one another and our connection grew with one another. Little did we know that we would continue to do this daily even after the pandemic and we would bond. We started sharing more of our lives, our families, our upbringings, stories…every day we would and have continued to text to one another. I have two very good friends now from this and this simple task of texting daily has provided me with a place to vent when needed, to find support when needed, to have a good laugh at times, see things from a very different point of view, and definitely something I look forward to. My bond to them has grown and I feel connected to two people that I really only had a distant connection to in the beginning. I will always be grateful for the pandemic for this reason alone.
“Many people walk in and out of your life but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart” – Eleanor Roosevelt
When I was fourteen I was really struggling. I grew up in a single parent household, my mom struggled with her own mental health and did her best but was not able to show up for me in the ways I really needed her. We fought all the time and I was very unhappy. My little brother was a member at the Boys and Girls Club, and every time I went inside to pick him up, one of the staff members, Heather, would engage with me and encourage me to come check out the club and the teen program. At first I was totally against it (I was 14, what did this 20 something year old lady know that I didn’t) she kept encouraging me and one day I showed up and decided to hang out. I quickly found my place at the B&G Club and Heather and I connected immediately. She was supportive, encouraging, kind and a great friend. Heather came into my life at a pivotal time, I was angry, depressed and my emotional needs were not being met at home. I flourished at the B&G Club, I made friends, I volunteered and eventually got a job there as a Jr. Staff. I mentored younger kids and that lit a fire in me to give back and be a support for others. I competed in the Youth of the Year competition, won Locals and Regionals and went all the way to the State level. The confidence and self-worth I gained during that time completely changed the course of my life. Heather and I are still friends today, over twenty years later. We have been to each other’s birthday parties, baby showers, graduations, she was a guest at my wedding. Heather saw something in me that I didn’t see in myself and I would not be who I am today without her support and the support of the Boys and Girls Club.
The one relationship that I always think of when asked questions like these are of my best friend, Sasha. Sasha and I have been friends for almost 10 years. We have been beside each other through some very hard times. Sasha is always so supportive of me – she supports my goals in life, helps pick me up when I am down, and joins me in adventures. I have an obvious increase in my overall mood when her and I get to hang out – it always makes me feel better, even when I am having a good day. We have really wonderful conversations about life and have some of the best laughs – her 3 daughters often like to make fun of us and say that all we do is cackle, and say it’s “so annoying” *insert teenager eyeroll*. The time that she and I get to spend with one another is really important to me and almost feels sacred and I think that’s how I know it is truly a positive and supportive friendship is when the time spent feels special – even when we don’t do anything grand.
I met Ashley through work in 2015. She handled even the most difficult people with grace. I immediately respected her. The way she helped people was inspiring. We became fast friends. Since then she has had two kids, moved to Texas and I’ve had children. We talk daily and she is a gift to me. She is a blessing and I’m so thankful that work brought us together.
I have a relationship with a co-worker that has improved both by physical and emotional health because when we need to vent or bounce ideas off each other about work/home/frustrating situations, we go for a walk around the block. Walking improves my physical health, and this connection is good for my emotional health. I always feel better after we’re done!
Brandi is one of my healthy Social Connections at work, including our most recent wall sit challenge. Having someone who reminds you to take a break or supports you with an invitation for a walk is appreciated.
A relationship that has improved my physical or emotional health in a positive way is the one I have with my elderly neighbors. They are a married couple in their mid-80s who still live in their home independently. They’ve been our neighbors for 9 years, yet although we would often say hello and make small talk about the weather, we really didn’t know much about them. My husband and son regularly clear their driveway and walkway of snow in the winter months as a neighborly favor but we don’t spend too much time talking to them as they’re unsteady on their feet and don’t drive in the winter months. A year or so back, their little dog passed away and it was apparent how much they loved their little West Highland Terrier. We took them over a gift basked with fruit, chocolates, wine and a sympathy card. They invited us in and we had never been inside their house before. They uncorked the wine bottle and got out some finger foods and we spent about 3 hours at their dining room table learning about their rich lives. They have children and grandchildren in Bend who visit often, so we knew they were never lonely. One is from Ecuador, the other from Argentina and they told us about their love of soccer and Pele, and how vastly they’ve traveled the world and how they moved frequently during the husband’s working years due to the line of work he was in. They told us about their travels to foreign countries, their favorite landmarks, where they’d like to revisit if they weren’t so old, and how the wife was an avid tennis player throughout her younger years. It was very enjoyable conversation. They’re the sweetest neighbors.
My best friend Kaity has definitely been a connection that has improved my physical and emotional health. We are accountability buddies when it comes to eating healthy, and exercising weekly. We also can lean on each other to honor our boundaries and work on being better versions of ourselves. This improves my emotional health. I often think to myself – would I ever say that about my best friend, when challenging my inner thoughts and often times my answer is “no”, so why would I think that about myself?
My relationship with my husband has improved my emotional health beyond how I can explain it. He is so steady. He is like a boulder in a stream that is never moved or effected by the currents around us. I’ve learned and grown and become a calmer and wiser person because of him.
I have a friend that I don’t get to see consistently. When we do get to see each other, we go for a walk along the river. This gives us time away from kids, life, chores etc, and lets us catch up on what has been going on in our lives. It allows us fresh air, nature sightings, sounds of the water, and a nice break from it all. While walking, we have uninterrupted conversation that often ends with a warm cup at a coffee shop. These outings always fill my soul and motivate me to keep moving.
My relationship with Austin (coworker, friend, and neighbor) has positively impacted me in many ways. Moving to La Pine from Bend was a hard transition. I did not know anyone and was still working in Bend, making it more difficult to meet people. I felt isolated and depressed. At a time when I had so much to look forward to (we had just PURCHASED OUR FIRST HOME), I felt angry and sad that I had been removed from my social circle, my routine, and my comfort zone.
I was able to transition offices to the South County building and everything changed. Austin was welcoming, helpful, and friendly. We began spending more time together, learning about our many similarities. We introduced each other to our spouses and children, strengthening our relationship further. Throughout this time she has provided me with a shoulder to cry on, has supported my kiddo with difficult emotions, and has helped my husband laugh on more than one occasion.
The social connection I feel with Austin is strong. She has been “the calm in my storm” on more than one occasion.
I have 2 teenage age sons and the three of us have had a hard time connecting, and I have felt the lack of closeness to my kids. To feel more connected to them as well as improve the relationship between the two of my boys, I brought home my workbook that I created--I teach a 3 week unit on cognitive/emotional health therapy. We have been working on it together as a trio. I have had my kids go through each emotion about each other as well as have them talk about/complete the workbook pages as individuals.
It has significantly improved all 3 of our relationships even just going through the first 3 pages. We have learned so much about each other and my boys admitted that they aren't that close initially. However, us sitting at the dinner table going through my workbook that I use for my own students has significantly made a huge positive impact on our social connections at home.
I have two older sisters. We all live in different states. Last December my oldest sister suggested a monthly sister zoom call. That monthly call has strengthened our relationship and connection to each other, and given us a place to share joys and struggles. We have boosted each other through some rough calls, and giggled our way through others. I leave those zoom calls feeling supported and loved and a little lighter.
Eight years ago, I met the my new adventure buddy, but I didn’t know it at the time. Sure, she was friendly, and always down to go for a hike, a road trip or just watch tv. But she wasn’t my go-to buddy, to be honest I passed her up for more out going talkative people. But after a couple years she just was just always there when no one else wanted to do anything and always so happy to do as little or as much as I wanted to do. She always has a smile on her face and is so willing to just listen to me, don’t get me wrong I notice the occasional eye rolls, but I know she loves me. She’s grown into my best friend and favorite hiking buddy and I’m so grateful to have Shasta in my life…yes, this is my dog but she checks off all the boxes as a positive effect on both my mental and physical health!
My reflection relationship for the year came as quite a surprise. I think in most part because I thought I was doing pretty good on eating the right foods. The right foods at the right time. I was so wrong. I was eating the right foods at the wrong time and the wrong foods at the right time. Wait what? And the wrong colors as well. What what? Yes the wrong color as well. A rainbow appeared in my life and changed everything. When I look at deciding what to eat for each meal, including snacks, I refer to my rainbow. The rainbow way of eating. The rainbow of delicious colored foods and the right foods at the right time. For real, I can’t even imagine eating now without bringing my rainbow to the table. I’ve managed to keep off the 10 plus pounds I lost (not water weight) for over a year. Now I’m well on my way to the next 10 pounds. I thought I had it in the bag. Eating fruits and vegetables is a fantastic thing, with the veggies being raw how could I ‘not lose’, right? Wrong! With that so simple information has to come knowledge and that’s where my mental relationship comes from. A powerhouse of a woman, with the knowledge I needed to knock the ball out of the park. In my opinion I hit a home run and maybe even a grand slam. I say that because I’m telling everyone I can about the rainbow way of eating. Some don’t believe it, I think, so they’ll have to see it in my pant size. So now I feel better, have more energy than I use to have. I don’t feel bloated all the time. Mostly I don’t have ‘food guilt’ because I have to eat to survive and my body was screaming at me all the time in my clothes and ‘that gasly mirror’. I will be forever grateful to the miracle worker in my life, that helped me get it, keep it, and keep reaching for the rainbow food I love so much. She’s beautiful inside and out, thank you so much my ‘Rainbow Queen’.
Over the recent holiday break I've really appreciated the companionship of one of my neighbors. We have been walking together. The experience has really helped me to focus on what is important this holiday season. We've shared concerns, questions, reflections and fears. We've gotten the benefit of cardiovascular exercise, walking briskly for about an hour, every few days. I feel that the fresh air and bright sunlight has lifted my spirits and made me more optimistic.
